Ayahuasca 3

Ceremony #1 – 60ml

Intention – Right livelihood.

How can I best use my gifts to be of service to others?

Part of Sylvia's intention for the first ceremony is to figure out the proper dose for each of us. To that end (and because I didn't take boost ups) this was my easiest experience. They got more interesting, more intense each time.

After drinking the oh so tasty beverage I return to my mat and sit in a meditative posture on the cushion. I keep my eyes open and maintain my presence in the room. I am calm and breathing deeply. I work with channeling my breath down through my chest, into my stomach, through my pelvis and then back up through my spine and out my head. At 40-45 minutes I begin to feel an intense energy moving throughout my system. It is looking for a place settle and its efforts are somewhat uncomfortable. I sit with it for 20-40 minutes and once I feel that it has been somewhat pacified I lie down on my back and relax surrendering to what may come.

In thinking of possible career paths one thing that I am dealing with is the power of corporations in this world. It seems clear to me that much of the movement that is happening, for better or worse, is being driven by companies. I do not in any way wish to support the demonization of commerce that so many seem so eager to scream about. I think that economics is a driving force in the world and I want to help those in power to cultivate a more conscious awareness of their actions so that they will feel compelled to make the most compassionate choices. An underlying faith in human decency is implicit in this desire. I blame ignorance, not evil and I recognize my ability to help others become increasingly conscious as one of my gifts and responsibilities to the world. To this end I have been attending FLOW (plug) NYC meetings recently. This is a group that works towards ‘liberating the entrepreneurial spirit for good’.

One of my questions has been whether it makes the most sense to work directly with adults that are already in power, or if I could be more effective working with children who are still developing and will one day have more power. Obviously there is less inertia in children that must be combated, but also less ability to see the bigger pictures. There often seems to be more eagerness for transformation in kids, as this is inherent in growing up, but there is also a longer period of time between when the ideas will be understood, the consciousness awakened, and when they will be having a large scale impact on the world.

I have been trapped in this either or thinking for quite some time, attempting to figure out if I should be studying business or education. If I should be positioning myself in the corporate world or in schools and the questions of what type of infrastructure I should be considering creating has been wrestling with new schools or adult education/coaching centers.

The other powerful peace of my life that I have been consistently sidelining in this process has been music. I am currently working with David on not only developing curriculum for his Integral Judaism class, but also on writing an album that is reaching out to the world in an attempt to make the struggles and the joys that we experience day to day a little bit more of a shared experience. I have always had enormous respect for music’s ability to transcend boundaries of all kinds.

Another constant concern of mine has been creating community. There are many people in this world whom I have grown to love who I want and need to have around me on a consistent basis. Attempting to find ways in which we can both work and play together is difficult, but seems necessary to me. I want loved ones not only near, but involved in some of the ways in which I intend to nurture the world. They have much to give both to me and to those who I hope to be working with.

In this ceremony I had a vision of creating an ideation experience with Adam Henson. Adam works with large corporations to help them create ideas for new products, projects, campaigns, images etc. The vision that I spent much of the night cultivating was one of an experience that we could create for business leaders and their children. The idea would be to use music to connect these (probably mostly) men to their children and to the environment through sound, touch and food. The day might begin with a bit of a concert played by David and I and perhaps our band. This would simply be a chance for shared experience, for adults to be with their kids, to enjoy music together and hopefully to get a little bit excited about the energy that it contains.

Next we would begin to work with some of the mantra’s that we have been writing. This would be when we would get everyone involved. These are very simple and repetitive songs intended to induce a state experience. Each family (I think that the spouse, who likely tends to spend more time at home with the children, would not be with us) would be provided with instruments, hand drums and perhaps guitars or other melodic instruments, to play. They would now be encouraged to play along with the very simple and slow groove that we would be establishing on stage. My friend Amy, who is a music therapist and spends her time working with children helping them to express themselves through sound would be working the room with her staff. They would be encouraging everyone to get involved, to make sound however simple or complex. Those who have some training on an instrument would be welcome to show off, to share their skills with solos or other flourishes, but the main thrust would be parent and child communicating, connecting through music. I want each family to leave this event with a shared experience of the power of music to connect people physically, emotionally and spiritually. An experience and perhaps insight that will follow them home and be with them in the future each and every time that they hear music. We would send them home with CD’s and I expect that at least the children would be excited to play along again at home.

It must not be forgotten that the point of this experience is to free creative juices in powerful corporate executives, energies that will be used when creating new products for the world. We want these creative energies to be cultivated and also to be as aware as possible of their connection to the generations that are to follow.

I also envisioned my friend Antoinette to be on site with her staff. Antoinette is a healer. She works with massage, reiki and in many subtle ways to help people feel healthy and to free the energies that they may be trapping in their bodies. She is also in training to become a midwife. She is a goddess, feminine energy manifest in its most potent and nurturing form. I envisioned her to be in the room in two ways. Explicitly she would be there as a healer. Should be making the rounds as a hands on and off healer, cultivating the exchange of energy within each participant, but also between parent and child. There is certainly much healing and much growth to be done on many levels between parent and child and making this both possible and enjoyable is one of her gifts.

Implicitly (for now) Antoinette works with the process of bringing new life into the world. I would not have her explain to the crowd where babies come from, but as the mother, as a goddess, it is her nature to cultivate the energy of nurturing embrace, of creative birth in each of us. It is this understanding that she would carry with her and share with others as she and her staff move throughout the room working as healers.

I envisioned working with some other friends to connect participants to the earth through eating and learning about raw, organic food and by bringing plants into the room or by going outside for a walk. Too many details to figure out now.

I also realized what the little girl on the plane on the way to Brazil may have been experiencing. She was on a plane with her mother and they were on their way to Uruguay to visit their family. Where was her father? In light of these thoughts and thinking about just how much she seemed to be attracted to me and eager to engage me. I am now thinking that she probably does not have her father in her life as much as she needs; perhaps not at all. I feel as if I was temporarily filling this role, even if only in a superficial and playful way. When it came time for us to watch our separate movies or to eventually go to sleep I probably did not communicate this to her in a useful way. The language barrier was one thing, but I am left wondering if I could have somehow helped her to get to sleep and if in doing so helped her to avoid feeling abandoned by me when I did my best to ignore her so that I could try and sleep. It seemed then as if her lashing out with her feet and screams at me was an attempt to re-engage me. To draw me back into her world and out of my self absorbed sleep.

Often times we awaken too late for one thing, but it allows us to be more present to the next.